My first love

Sometimes when I reread my work, I sound silly to myself; all this ridiculous wrestling with existentialism. Reading about the saints only makes me seem more ridiculous. It rattles me to hear about the many persecuted Christians of the past and present. Do I have a faith that can withstand torture? Do I even want that kind of a faith? Right now my faith in the holy God of scripture is a win/win thing for me. My belief in Him gives me purpose and meaning in our ever increasing culture of fast paced images and information. I have a center. I have peace. I also have a moral code which I know will ultimately lead to a more fulfilling and deeply meaningful existence then adhering to the ever popular scapegoat of moral relativism could ever give me. Devoting myself wholeheartedly to one man for life will give me the best odds for fulfilment that human relationships have to offer. Loving my children and pouring my heart and soul into theirs may lead to disappointment, but loving my children and being with them is food and drink to my often weary soul.
The precepts and teachings of Christianity are the beautiful jewels in the crown the redeemed. That is not enough though. Christ has ought against me...

 Unto the angel of the church of Ephesus write; These things saith he that holdeth the seven stars in his right hand, who walketh in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks; I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars: And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name's sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted. Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent. But this thou hast, that thou hatest the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God. (Revelation 2:1-7)

"Dear Lord, show me your face that I may once again look into your eyes and know that it is not a religion which I love. Help me to remember to do more then hate evil. Help me to remember to love the Lord and giver of all life from whom all goodness and the strength to do good proceeds. Help me to love you. Amen."