Wednesday, February 1, 2012

A reason to blog

"We read to know that we are not alone." -C.S.Lewis

After my last post I was left wondering why I blog about personal things that I would hesitate to mention to any but my closest friends. It is not that I am simply journaling to keep a record of life events for myself. I want people to read what I have written.
I write in hopes of being known and understood. I hope that people will read my words and that it will make some difference to them. I tend to isolate myself. I am not always good at maintaining friendships and keeping in touch. I can get lost in my thoughts, trapped by ideas that bind, confused by ideas that conflict, worried by my doubts, struggling for freedom. These are not easy things to share. Often the hearer does not know what to say in response. Sometimes the things people do say leave me unable to reply.
When I first started having symptoms of a miscarriage someone dear to me called me up. "It must be better this way, don't you think?"
What the heck do I say to that? Yes, my theology supports the belief that, "God works all things together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose."  That does not mean I am ready to rejoice at my lose before it is even complete. I hate to make anyone upset or uncomfortable though, especially someone I cherish, so I stifled my feelings and made some mild noises of agreement.
With blogging no awkward silence or grimacing smiles need to be passed on. I can feel less alone without feeling trapped by my desire to please others. I can say what I think about and how I feel. I can share my beliefs and my struggles.
Maybe I am alone, but with writing I try to bridge the moat between myself and others that my inverted personality digs around me.

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