This weekend I have been trying to embrace my old self and find joy in the small things that my condition seemes to make me blind to. It is important to try, to struggle against the darkness.
As a mother of a growing family of four small children with a husband who does physical labor for a living as well as a lifestyle, food preparation consumes a lot of my daily ritual. Since the onset of my morning sickness a few months ago however, food preparation had changed from a creative joy into sheer drudgery. The smell of aromatic ingredients, the texture of raw meat, the environment of the kitchen were overwhelmingly unpleasant to all my senses. Strangly after the my first signs of an apparent miscarriage I have been able to stomach the experience of cooking much better.
This morning I made one of my favorite salads. I got the basic idea for it from a vegetable cookbook. Today I chopped up two firm but ripe avocados, two stalks of celery and two Braeburn apples. Then I stirred in about an eighth of a cup of walnut halves and an equal amount of raisins. I stirred it gently and then covered it with a simple dressing of mayonnaise (about a tablespoon), a third of a cup of milk, and a tablespoon of sugar. I stirred it enough to coat the vegetables so it turned a greenish hue from the avocados. I seriously could have eaten the entire bowl. The combination of crunchy veggies and creamy avocado with the slightly sweet dressing tasted life affirming somehow.
One thing is certain, that it is nourishing.
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