Sunday, June 13, 2010

Days 11-13

This computer may provide me with one click access to the world, yet I am overcome by the view out of the window directly behind it, the simple beauty of our rain soaked yard. We have enjoyed a weekend of lush wetness. Being used to our semi-arid climate, these past two and a half days of rain have been a rare departure from the status quo. I am overjoyed. Anything can get monotonous, even sunshine. It breeds a weird sort of discontent, all that pressure to not waste the “beautiful weather”. But oh, for a cloudy, wet day. How are you supposed to spend it but inside? I never feel that I have wasted a rainy day. I can simply gaze out my window at the steady shower that washes all of nature clean. I can curl up like a cat on the padded cushions of my big oak rocker and take the time to really listen to the lyrics of some bittersweet song. I will find myself crying of course but I crave these moments of reflection, the space to weep over the terrible reality of life’s inconsistencies.

Now my view is fading into shadow. Only minutes ago I could see a world of Technicolor brightness against the vague gray sky. There were enough different shades of green to remake the rainbow. There was the nearly florescent green of the grass with each blade distinct, outlined in raindrops. The trunks of our young poplars stood in relief against the wooden privacy fence, trunks glowing green through their light gray bark. Then there were the leaves, the tender young leaves of early summer. They bore their pubescent greenness to the sky and were illumined by the indirect light from the cloud covered setting sun. Its subtle light filtered over everything, leaving the greens to stand out for themselves. Each shade nearly lighted from within revealing the infinite complexity yet simple beauty of a rain soaked day.

My view is gone now. I am left with only the faint outlines of leaves against a dying gray sky. I reflect on my day. I have sorted through most of the children’s clothing. I fear that I have not weeded out enough possessions. I have filled four large trash bags with clothing, yet the girl’s drawers are still full. Each of my daughter’s only has one drawer to herself. but they only had one drawer each when I started this silly quest. Before their drawers were crammed full and now they are only comfortably full, but is that going to make any difference? Instead of simplifying I seem to be merely reorganizing, unable to take the drastic steps I had wanted to try. I wanted to know if having significantly less stuff would translate into less work. I wonder if having a little less stuff will make any difference at all. The experiment continues.

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